I had the weirdest dream a few weeks ago. And then again last week. I don’t normally tell people about my dreams because I feel that it must be excruciatingly boring. But this one was so relevant to what I am going through. I apologize in advance for it.
I was thinking about letting things go right before falling asleep. My dreams do not normally work so fast. And they are generally way too subconscious and symbolic for me to make sense of.
But then I had this dream:
I was walking on the beach and I heard a weird noise behind me. I turned and there was a giant, clear hot air balloon. In the basket was all of my abusive ex boyfriends.
I looked into that basket and thought, “god, I would hate to be in that balloon. It’s like the worst place in the world.” But then I looked down and my footprints were leading away from the balloon. I had been in that balloon.
And I realized I had been carrying these guys around with me for a long time. I had been comparing other men to them. Looking for any sign of their behavior in someone else.
I had been assigning meanings and motives to people where there wasn’t any. I was still carrying my past around with me. And I was letting my past affect my life and who I am now.
Then in my dream the balloon took off. I watched as it floated up into the atmosphere. It didn’t take long for it to disappear from my sight between the bright sunshine and the clear balloon.
And I realized that I have to stop carrying them. I have to let them go.
So then I had the same dream again but this time I was even farther away from the balloon. And one of my exes, A, was like “If she’s getting out then I am getting out.” He started to climb out. But one of my other exes grabbed his arm and said, “Dude, she’s gone. You’ll never be able to catch her.”
And then they all floated away as before.