I hate taking medicine. No matter how sick I am, how dire my health problems. I want to avoid medications as much as I can.
But, in the end, I take it. I have been on so many prescriptions for all my physical problems. Most notably in my heart medications. I was hesitant but not resistant.
And yet, I refuse to take anything for my mental/emotional issues. I know there are legitimate illnesses that can be mitigated with medicine.
I even know people that are on medication for their mental health issues. I feel zero judgement towards them. I am proud of them for seeking and getting the help that they need.
So why am I so unwilling to do the same for myself? Do I think the drugs will make it all real? Because it’s already as real as it can be.
I deal with it all on a daily basis. Do I think I am somehow superior or “winning” something if I deal with it all without pharmaceutical help? Do I just try to downplay my issues to avoid medication?
Or maybe this is just another symptom of me not taking care of myself the way I should. Maybe I am punishing myself or trying to test myself. Maybe I am just trying to prove myself.
I genuinely don’t know. Do other people not recognize their own motives? Or is this a ‘me’ thing?