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Endings

It is so easy for me to talk myself out of things. To over think. To over think myself out of things.

Either I’m not ready for a relationship or he isn’t right for me. But, honestly, if he was right for me, wouldn’t I be ready for a relationship? I do want one. But maybe I don’t want one right now. Or maybe I don’t want one with him.

I’ve never ended a relationship for not being “right.” It feels so weird to even consider. Like I don’t deserve to be so picky. Like I should just take what I can get.

Every guy I have ever dumped was because they were abusive or had committed some equally unforgivable action.

It’s so strange to just say ‘he wasn’t right for me.’ But I’m hoping as I get closer to that right person, I’ll find myself saying that more and more.

Someone doesn’t have to be a bad person to not be right for me.

But isn’t me making smarter dating choices going to make it harder for me to end things? The closer I get to getting it right, the more I’ll worry that I’m being too picky. And the more anxious I’ll feel about ending things.

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4 responses »

  1. I really can’t dispense dating advice (OBVIOUSLY) but I do think that it’s okay to end it if you aren’t feeling it. Better than letting yourself get talked into the obligatory feelings. At the same time, I didn’t feel an immediate *zing pow* with my current (wonderful) boyfriend. It took a while. But I still felt an odd “hmm maybe” about him. Without that, there’s no reason to make things any messier.

    And I’m with you on never ending a relationship until the abuse or other horrors get to be too bad. Yep. Every damn time.

    Reply
    • There is a brilliant book called “Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough.” I can’t recommend it more. It addresses people looking for that *zing pow.* But that isn’t me. I hate to say it but I think it is harder for people used to the “excitement” of abusive relationships to recognize a good, healthy one. An actually decent guy probably wont knock your socks off. Everyone should read that book (especially women). And Aussa, every time we interact I am sorry for the things you have gone through in your past. But it gives me hope to see how you can address your issues with humor.

      Reply
      • That sounds like a great book and I can’t agree more. Gah, the turmoil and seeming “passion” of an abusive relationship is like a drug, isn’t it? But man I am so much happier and able to function without it.

  2. I’m better now too. Taking this year off from dating has helped.

    Reply

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